Things I never understood until her.

People tell you, they try to prepare you, but there is no preparation.  Poems, stories, and songs are written to express just how deep a mother’s love is and it is described as a force beyond explanation.  And, they try to tell you.  But, I never understood how much my mother loved me until I met her; my fiery, red-headed, sassy, piggy tailed girl.  When she showed up, it all made sense.

Ten things I never understood about my mama until I became her mama… 

      1.    The worry never ends.

My mom used to drive me crazy worrying about me.  I had to call when I got somewhere and when I left.  She called all my friends’ parents before I could spend the night.  She was constantly checking in on me.  I swore I would never be a worrying parent, but don’t even fight it.  I started worrying about my babies (two to start with) from the moment I saw that second pink line.  My body and my heart started carrying the weight of someone else’s life and I had no control over what happened to their little lives.  After losing one of my twins, the worry only intensified.  There is no limit to what I worry about with my child.  Is her runny nose just allergies or is she sick?  Did I break her spirit by scolding her one too many times today?  Did she get enough hugs, love, and attention today?  What about learning time; did we balance it well with television?  Forget mom shaming, I worry enough on my own!

      

      2.       Somehow, you naturally become last.  And it’s a beautiful place to be.

I worried about this one.  I was spoiled as a child and married a man who spoiled me just as much.  How was I going to be sacrificial for a child?  Yet, somehow it only made sense.  She needed me more than I needed anything else.  So, she got attention at 11:30 pm (then 3 am, then 6 am… you know how it goes mama).  My mom always got her plate last at dinner and I never understood it until now.  She wanted to make sure we got all that we wanted. There is nothing in the world I want more than to see her and my husband happy!

  

      3.       You are going to be so tired.

If you’re getting ready to have your first baby you have heard it a million times I’m sure.  But, really, you are going to be SO tired!  Just prepare yourself to never sleep again and you might be semi-ready for the reality of children.  My baby sleeps through the night and has for a while, but I still don’t.  I wake up when she coughs, when she moves too much, or when I just get worried and need to check on her (see number 1).  If she stays away from home, I wake up worrying something might be wrong and I’m not there.  I remember my mom being up at 5 am every morning and always being the last one to bed.  I get it mama.   

4.       Take more pictures and videos. 

Time goes by so fast.  Seriously, the first three months feel like a fog but you’ll blink and the fog will be over and your baby will be crawling and then walking and then tomorrow she will be in school.  So take lots of pictures and seriously take the videos.  Your favorite things now will change in an hour so lock them away in a memory you can’t forget.

      5.       But, put your phone down.

I know, I know, how can you take more pictures and videos without your phone.  But, your baby needs you.  And he or she needs you to see them without worrying about checking social media or facebook.

      6.       It’s okay to fill their pencil boxes.

My dad always makes fun of my mom because my sister and I are grown and she still buys us things that she thinks we need.  She cannot stop taking care of us even though we each have families of our own.  He tells her she doesn’t have to fill our pencil box up for school anymore, but she does anyway!  I totally get it now, mom.  I feel a natural need to take care of my baby and I don’t see how that could ever go away. 

      7.       You’re gonna miss them when they’re gone. 

My parents were the cheesy parents that made us do family game nights when we were in high school.  We were not allowed to eat dinner in any room except the dining room, around the table, together; which is also where we ate breakfast, every morning. It used to drive me crazy that my mom and dad wanted to spend so much time together.  But now I get it.  It’s going by so fast and I just want to spend as much time as possible with my family before these 18 years fly by.

 

      8.       There is so much to do. 

Seriously though, the work never ends.  Thank you mama for carrying such a load with little to no recognition.  You don’t realize how much work a mama does until you are one.  

      9.       Being a mama changes you.

I was a carefree, independent, fun loving, goofy girl.  I fell crazy in love with a man who made me a wife and helped me see how much more I could be.  Then, he made me a mama.  The carefree part of me is gone because now I care an awful lot about an awful lot of people, particularly my girl.  Being a mama changed who I am and made me so much more. 

      10.   There is nothing that could break a mother’s love.

Growing up, my mom and I had some fights, I mean good ones.  The only person I fought with more than my mama was my big sister (and that’s saying a lot).  But through it all, my mama never once quit loving me, in fact it always seemed like she loved me more every day, way more than I deserved.  Now that I’m a mama I see it.  There is nothing under the sun my baby could do to stop me from loving her and being her mama. 

So, to my mama and all the mother’s out there, thank you.  Thank you for giving of yourself and expecting nothing in return.  I get it now.  I understand how powerful this love is.  And to my baby girl thank you for making me a mama; I look forward to the day when you understand what this love means.